One week in and definitely glad I got over myself and submitted to a system. Two and a half pounds down.

‘Underwhelming’ you might say. Well I’m not slimmer of the week. So the basket of goodies (depending on your perspective of course) is not to be mine. In fact I think I’d have to create some kind of trap (I’m thinking of the kind I learned about in primary school before they started fast tracking the over fives; the kind that cavemen used to surprise unwary sabre-toothed tigers or meandering mammoths) to ambush the competition on their way in to have a cat in hell’s chance.

I resisted the raffle, despite the tempting array of snap-lock tupperware. I wanted it too much. You know what I mean? Unhealthy!!! I didn’t want to mar the satisfactory feeling of a plan well followed with the bitter emptiness (can you have that?) of a failed gamble.

Anyway, it’s time for ‘group’ now!

The fun stuff has gone from the cupboards. No fake magnums in this freezer. The shiny new book of power is mine and I am officially on my way (albeit for the umpteenth time) to becoming that which I most desired as a plump unlovely teenager – thin – yey!

Of course I’m still fifty six. So my ultimate goal, of resembling one of the lipsmackinthirstquenchinacetastinmotivatincoolbuzzinsomethingsomethingsomethingsomemoresomethingsPepsiiiii waifs is alas, out of reach. Nor will I teach the world to sing with the real thing, or represent the crumbliest, flakiest chocolate – though the perm was definitely a good move – the advantage of big hair rendering the rest of me comparatively smaller – Hurrah!

But, the important thing is, I feel so much BETTER!!!!! Probably considerably more boring – and definitely incredibly selfish in the eyes of the young ones who continually wander in and out of the kitchen opening and closing doors like billyo, billio, billy o, billy-oh fuck it.

Anyhow, they’re pretty cheesed off that I’m drawing a line under corporeal expansion. For many months now, instead of nudging me subtly and gently towards ‘healthy choices’ (did I really just say that?), they’ve been blatantly scoffing the fruits (now that is a joke) of my monstrous greed fests with a delight that I can only think of now as – well – chilling.

So back to the big (ha!) day. I was late – of course – so missed most of the new members talk. What could they possibly tell me that I didn’t already know anyway??? Or so I thought, until it came to filling in the food diary – yes – it’s a thing – piece of cake eh?! Well not cake obviously. Surely meal titles as subject headings is a basic? Nope – apparently you just write down piles of food in one bit, and piles of different food in a different bit. What can go wrong?

Clearly I’m not going to reveal the horrible truth of the weigh-in. But with a bit of luck I’ll toot fanfares next Monday with the week one reveal of my incredible ‘weight-loss journey:)!’

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.